A year ago this month, I decided I was going to attempt to take my faith in God seriously. I grew up in a Christian home with parents who were very much like biblical scholars but often times poor in application when it came to their marriage. Their divorce and inability to get along hardened my heart when it came to the Christian community. As a teenager, I felt that my parents were hypocrites, holding their bibles close to the chest and being pious towards others, meanwhile back at the crib I had to call the police on them (several times) due to their domestic violence disputes. It never added up to me.
I’mma keep it real. Christians got on my last nerve with their duplicitous behavior. I had no problems with Christ. I had every problem with Christians.
Eventually I let these problems wear on my relationship with God. Because Christians got on my nerves, I would only go to church whenever I felt like it (read: maybe twice a month if I were lucky) until I rarely ever went. Pissed off at either duplicitous Christians or seemingly fake Christians, I resolved that I would go to church and just not talk to anybody. Yes, I thought this was a good idea. Later I realized not only was this not how God designed the Church, but this was counteractive to my spiritual growth (you can’t grow in a vacuum); furthermore, this made me no better than the hypocritical Christians I had beef with.
So, I took my skepticism to church despite my beef. I told God that I was going to be obedient and do church, but I wasn’t gonna like it. Luckily I found a place were there was no pretense. No cliques. Nobody pretending to be something for somebody else. Just regular people you see on the street every day. Normal but not normal (right? because we are not of this world).
It blew my mind. So much so that I joined said church, got baptized, got involved as a leader, made friends and now? I love Christians. I don’t know why many of them like to pretend they don’t have some very jacked up lives. But, they do. We do. I do. And that’s okay. While we are called to lead perfect lives, we should know that we will never be perfect. But a lot of Chrstians will have you think they’re perfect.
What I really needed was a commuity of Christians who weren’t just going to church just to go, but who were actively denying themselves for God. Who were actively applying God in their lives, and not just giving people lip service. I’m trying not to judge Christians for this. It’s a balance, as I have to be sure I don’t fall into the trap of arrogance or maintain a judgemental mentality. So, I’m trying to check that as well. But, let’s be real. If Christians really did what the Bible asks us to do, we would have much better PR in this world.
Anyway. It’s Holy Week. Easter is on Sunday. I am going to be sharing a few more things about my journey to church and spiritual growth on the blog this week. Tomorrow it’ll be about sex and dating, and why I thought it would be a good idea to lead a bible study group about said topics.