It’s Holy Week: My Journey Back to Church

April 20, 2011

in Faith,Family,Personal

Its Holy Week: My Journey Back to ChurchA year ago this month, I decided I was going to attempt to take my faith in God seriously. I grew up in a Christian home with parents who were very much like biblical scholars but often times poor in application when it came to their marriage. Their divorce and inability to get along hardened my heart when it came to the Christian community. As a teenager, I felt that my parents were hypocrites, holding their bibles close to the chest and being pious towards others, meanwhile back at the crib I had to call the police on them (several times) due to their domestic violence disputes. It never added up to me.

I’mma keep it real. Christians got on my last nerve with their duplicitous behavior. I had no problems with Christ. I had every problem with Christians.

Eventually I let these problems wear on my relationship with God. Because Christians got on my nerves, I would only go to church whenever I felt like it (read: maybe twice a month if I were lucky) until I rarely ever went. Pissed off at either duplicitous Christians or seemingly fake Christians, I resolved that I would go to church and just not talk to anybody. Yes, I thought this was a good idea. Later I realized not only was this not how God designed the Church, but this was counteractive to my spiritual growth (you can’t grow in a vacuum); furthermore, this made me no better than the hypocritical Christians I had beef with.

Oh.

So, I took my skepticism to church despite my beef. I told God that I was going to be obedient and do church, but I wasn’t gonna like it. Luckily I found a place were there was no pretense. No cliques. Nobody pretending to be something for somebody else. Just regular people you see on the street every day. Normal but not normal (right? because we are not of this world).

It blew my mind. So much so that I joined said church, got baptized, got involved as a leader, made friends and now? I love Christians. I don’t know why many of them like to pretend they don’t have some very jacked up lives. But, they do. We do. I do. And that’s okay. While we are called to lead perfect lives, we should know that we will never be perfect. But a lot of Chrstians will have you think they’re perfect.

What I really needed was a commuity of Christians who weren’t just going to church just to go, but who were actively denying themselves for God. Who were actively applying God in their lives, and not just giving people lip service. I’m trying not to judge Christians for this. It’s a balance, as I have to be sure I don’t fall into the trap of arrogance or maintain a judgemental mentality. So, I’m trying to check that as well. But, let’s be real. If Christians really did what the Bible asks us to do, we would have much better PR in this world.

Anyway. It’s Holy Week. Easter is on Sunday. I am going to be sharing a few more things about my journey to church and spiritual growth on the blog this week. Tomorrow it’ll be about sex and dating, and why I thought it would be a good idea to lead a bible study group about said topics.

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Kema April 20, 2011 at 10:43 AM

Hey Liz!

I am sooo having that fight with myself. I started attending church when I was 10. It wasnt forced on me but a decision I made as a precocious child. My mother actually decided to attend after I informed her that I had found my church. I was saved by 12 and taught vacation bible school at ages 13 & 14. Then H.S. came. I guess I can say I ‘back slided’ (read: discovered boys).

Now I’m trying to go back. I dont want to be one of those go to church only because its Easter but I havent been since Novemeber of last year.

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Liz Burr April 20, 2011 at 10:58 AM

Hahaa! I can soo identify with your story! You know what though? I’ve learned that every healthy Christian should go through times of questioning their faith as well as the life, especially those who were raised as Christians. Not to say every body needs to backslide heavily, but anyone who has never questioned their faith or why they’re doing it haven’t weathered the storm that comes when you follow Christ.

Go back to church! Easter is the best time because so many folks are at church, nobody can tell who is a regular and who is new lol. That’s *exactly* why I started going back this time last year. I felt like I could easily blend in with the new folks and nobody would be the wiser lol.

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Kema April 27, 2011 at 2:12 PM

Just wanted to add that I did go to church for Easter. It was great AND they had a fish fry. Cant beat that! I will do it again next Sunday. :-)

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Liz Burr April 28, 2011 at 12:13 AM

Awww glad you could make it!! And YUM @ fish fry! That’s always a good thing!

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KB April 20, 2011 at 11:28 AM

Liz, I may not be nearby but please feel free to include me in your commuity of Christians. You’re right. It can be hard to separate your relationship with God from the other Christians around you. We are all fallible. But we are not called to be perfect; we are just CALLED. And in that calling, there is servitude and community. You keep posting and I’ll keep reading. You’re in my thoughts and prayers, sista!

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Tentpole April 21, 2011 at 11:16 AM

DL Hugley had the best statement about faith. “God doesn’t need middle men” Faith is about you path to God. The bible is the roadmap to what your responsibilities in this world are. If you need God then make a direct call.

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Squeak April 21, 2011 at 12:43 PM

Liz,

You have gained a loyal blog follower. I too grew up in a christian household, while my parents lived what they talked, (to my knowledge) I only truly became a christian because it was the thing to do. It was also last year (AND after life altering experiences due to poor decisions) that I realized that my relationship with Christ had been a facade. I had a decision to make, and I made it. Since then, and a year later, my life is completely different. It’s not that I don’t have problems, we all do, I just know how to handle them, and am beginning to understand my place and purpose.

ANYWAY, it was also then that I realized the true purpose of church. IMO, we have made church the “golden calf” of our faith. We worship the pastors, the leaders, the church itself, when really it was established to be a community. No man is an island, and you cannot walk a faith walk like this alone. I agree with you that every healthy Christian goes through a questioning of their faith and you should because you have to know in the dark times, WHY you believe what you believe.

I applaud you once again. SN: Interesting thing for me this week that really had me take stock. My church is doing a Good Friday Spoken Word Service. Seven poets (myself included) will be expounding on the Seven Last Sayings of Christ. I got “It Is Finished.” REALLY caused me to go deep into what Christ did on the cross and why.

Dag this was long. lol.

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B. Brown April 21, 2011 at 8:11 PM

I think the biggest thing about (many) Christians is that they believe your path should be the same as their path. Of course, it doesn’t work that way. Most everyone finds God through their experiences, and the paths vary accordingly. I’m happy for you finding your path, and I appreciate your efforts to not fall into that trap.

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